Head thundered through the night into the early morning hours...as soon as doc's office opened, I phoned, begged, and was granted an Rx for Ultram which ain't much, but when taken with Tylenol, it has helped. The headache is a distant echo threatening to flow back in with the evening clouds promising rain. Could be better...was worse for a long time, but, the distant echo of pain still remains, but I'm rolling with it. Thanks Doc, this is a lil' better...

Much hated inventory continues @ work. Taking my time, leaving @ 1:30, as ordered. Nice afternoon laughing with Bubba. It's what ya make it. I'll either get it done in the allotted time, or I won't...

So,in a new york minute,a kid who was always friendly to me from the factory got shot after acting sad & stupid after being laid off. The 20something son of Mexican immigranted US citizens, formerly of Mexico, Alfredo was laid off wiith 3/4 of that factory's employees...company moving most of it's work to Mexico....Alfredo lived with his Ma & extended fam...and one nite last week, he got depressed about losing his job & he got drunk...and more depressed more drunk...then, suicidal. He freaked out the fam., & his Mama called 911. When the cops came, the drunken kid answered the door with a stupid knife in his hand & he didn't drop it quick enough, as the cops shot him. Drunken suicide by cop, how mind-blowing this long strange trip is that we are on?...Alfredo, a kid working in a sweat shop, one of the better employees, knew both languages, friendly, really, just a kid looking for a life. I feel 1000 different ways about his death...whassup? they forgot their tasers? That Smalltown of John's has shot & killed 3 guys last month, while the town 14 miles down the road has tasered any scary criminal crazies & not shot a one. How strange. Wrong place, wrong time, wrong mood, wrong booze, extreme defense of possible knife injury performed by a coupla bullets to mortally wound the suspected kid that they shoulda figured was drunk & sad. or not. I dunno. I wasn't there. kid was always kind to me...let's not go there anymore today...

Tomorrow, Sister Jan brings her beagle for her annual vacation here at Bubba's Puppy Paradise....every year, Jan & Rick join the hordes of RV hard core campin' folks fighten for space at an RV camground on a Lake in Kentucky. Misses my birthday(no big),Jan, a fair-skinned red head who, like me burns easily & does not tolerate hot sunlight well @ all... Works all year for this week. Out on the lake in their nice, roomy boat joinng the hoares of other boats, big and small, on that crowded lake for the 4th of July Holiday weekend celebration...and we keep SallyJo, the beagle for them, cuz I know she is having big fun...that's 4 dogs & 2 grown folks on a King Size matress & boxsprings, with a built on extra dog-cot a la Bubba, and seiously Bubba & I enjoy the lil braying whelp. I never thought I'd meet anyone who loved dogs than me...but, I was wrong...Bubba works his life to benefit the dogs to the extremes...I'm the "Bad Cop", he's the "Good Cop"...they always hit him up first & usually score...it's a fun life. Dogs, Ipods, blogging, headache almost gone, in the A/C with the ceiling fan cruisen' cross breezes. I need to feel better, like this , far more often. Breathing deep & easy.

Bubba just came home from his Wed visit with his Ma...took her to Dr appts Mon & Tues, brings her the Wednesday local bugler. He's a good boy, a good son. And God love her, most of the time, Rita is further out there than my own folks who all 3 require nursing homes. Her Alzheimer's is rampant, constant, nervous, obsessed, driven...he does what he can & it must be wearing him to the brink, but he hangs in & hangs in & tries not to let her drive him crazy, too. These are strange daze indeed, Mama...is there a full moon, or just a rough moon? THANK GOD FOR MY MUSIC...HEARD "Cowgirl in the Sand" today @ just the right time...that's my song for Lucy...

Bubba's doing the Chineese veggie thang, wants me to come watch Stargate" with him (again-Season 1 for the 7th time), eat veggies & we'll watch the thunderstorn roll in...and rejoyce in the almost total cessation of this headache, save the eve with those i love, "& have a good time...to make up for the times whaen I ain't feeling too good..."
Brent of Da Dead....
might get to the treadmill, might not...good life

That's what they used to call me in Maryland and California, when I used to party hearty...Scotch, imported beer in bottles, suff n' nonsense, and brownies were my speciality.The gang started out with a vey different nickname for me, but I was not fond of it. Just something would throw my day out of whack when I filled up my tray at the hospital cafeteria, turned & looked for my gang, and most folk at the table would holler out, "Hey!Bite Size! Over here!" waving & making it obvious that they were trying to get my attention.
One evening, as I toted a bottle of Chevis Regal around the kitchen in the house that we all shared, baking another batch of my special brownies(made with love), I was really having a good time, the life of the party. I think I remember my friend "JJ" saying,"Whoa is she loose as a moose!"

My friend Mo answered, "Yeah, but she's pretty sweet about it."

To which my adopted big brother Billyjones says, "Yeah! A Sugar Moose!"

I stopped in my tracks right then & there, and turned to all those who were listening & announced,"Sugar Moose, guys...not Bite Size...my new nick name is Sugar Moose!OK? Please?" I pushed the concept to the point of pain for nearly a month & as it was so important to me not to be called "Bite Size", they let it slide & I became Sugar Moose to all, even introducing myself saying, "My name is Cher, but my friends call me Sugar Moose." That story winds on & on, but that is all for another time...the name kinda stuck, cuz it pretty much fit & few folks ever forgot the name of the hippie chick party hearty blonde was Sugar Mosose..." A few folks still call me Sugar Moose, my ex always called me "Moose"...but those are other stories, for another time.

Last week, I pulled a real Sugar Moose, & I was going to maintain a low profile & not advertise it, but it's so me, Sugar Moose, I gotta share the whole trip...

After a horrendous, hot, non-stop work day at the factory I came home with yet another headache, & took a powernap with an ice pack on my head & woke wih the headache still pounding. I recalled a conversation with my big brother, Buzz(don't go there) who told me when he has a bad headache, he gets on his bicycle & rides fast & hard until he feels like his head is going to burst, and then it goes away.

I do best with music, as you know. Even with a headache, my ipod gives me more wonderous gifts of altering the sate of my mind, altering my brain chemistry slightly, giving a lil relief, and something other than the headache to think about...so,

I put in the ipod, get a fresh icepack for my head, and get on the treadmill, determined to make it work for me. 40 minutes of steady trucking, balancing the ice pack, maybe holding it in place with one hand, trucking to the tunes, head pounding, ice numbing...and then for just a second, the half melted ice pack stared to slide off just as I closed my eyes for just a second in pain, then, the icepack fell, hit the treadmill and wooosh! Slid down the conveyer belt aspect & flew into the wall. I lost my balance, and just like on America's Funniest Home Videos, I fell, zoomed down the belt and landed up side down againt the wall with the mushy icepack uncomfortable ice pack wedged between mye sholderblades & the the floor. I was kind scruched up with my head on the floor, and my body 7 legs climbing the wall.

All 3 dogs came running, really worried, expressing their concern, wanting to be Sugar Moose's Lassie...

"You guys! I've fallen & I can't get up!"

Their heads tilt in unison, and convey their concern, but come no closer, as the treadmill is still running @3.2, which makes a lil noise...I remember laughing at myself, looking at what I could see of my banged up knees & very bloody left elbow...I squirmed around a bit, reaching out, finding support, I somehow, finally stood up to survey the damage. I take lots of calcium, and am so lucky not to have broken anything. Here, a week later, I finally cop to the fact that even though I want to be called "Cher", some folks have never quite forgotten to call me Sugar Moose. Even sober...it fits...

and I'll tell ya something else...it did not help my headache in the slightest.

Going to Crashtown now. I did 1 1/2 miles, with ipod & no icepack today & gots more time in than I planned, as the music was so good...almost 40 minutes, sometimes doing a fancy two step when Van Morrison, Carlos, or Mellencamp were rocking my world....but it does not help my headache. I have so many of them...I might as well get exercise & have a headache, than just plain have a headache & not get any exercise. I hold similar theories about similat situations while I have a headache, but that stuff is for another story another time, another space.
crashtown, here I come....

I love to be home...I just love it. And that is what my Saturdaze are for...me, loving to be home. Trying to sleep in(inferenal, internal alarm clock!),skimming over the Sat. AM news, drinking that extra cup of coffee slowly, talking and flirting with Bubba & the muttinskis...turning the TV off. Ususally on line before I get outta bed. Try not divide attention & time lazily, between surfin' the Stream, paying attention to Bubba, trying to get him to watch a movie with me before he goes forth once again to shave down the ever growing evil green grass A his Mom's &/or some aspect of our acre...or he answers the call of the wild & levels the ground while inlaying patio blocks in the workst heat the day has to offer...always, a man, drive.

And there's me, in the house with a hound or 2, the A/C on low/very cool, with one tube maybe playing a rock DVD or a chick flick(this last Sat.,"The Client", "A Time to Kill," & "What Dreams May Come"...making a healthy stab at token housecleaning, checking out the Stream, venturing into the junk room before escaping full-tilt-boogie. Sensation, libation(H2O or Cranberry/Apple juice...maybe some tea). and then, it's gone. now, I lay me down to rest for tomorrow.

Sunday (like most), I'm outta bed & hit the ground running...morning preparations for 1/2 day's work that barelypays for my gas to come & go to work. Then @ work, non-stop, always staying a lil late to get the job done right, work up a sweat, back home, shower, grab Rex & head to the small city I came from to visit family.

I spent longer than I intended eveywhere...at my sisters's-just so much to talk & think about. She's been very ill w/1 of her many sinus infections. We are both so concerned with the dramas our family collides with on an almost daily basis. She is sure that I will benefit from professional counseling...no tears from me this time, sorry to be a burden to my fam., and if they think I need help, other than making it on time to yet another appointment situated 35 minutes from work or home, & the traffic, & the summer heat & my irratability under strained circumstances every where I look...most anyone could probably benefit from counseling. I don't feel that I am in crisis right now, but "in a New York minute, everuything can change, things can get a little strange"..."and I feel like a stranger among those i love...people like me a whole heck of a lot more than I like myself, and just how sick is that? So, no hurry...but, I guess I'll check in with yet, one more, Shrink. I have voluntarily sought counciing on several occasions. Most of 'em are OK by me, pointing out truths I need to hear to fully realize the potentials of those truths. I guess that'll be another in my lobg line of mini-dramas

Ma was crazy for a cigarette...while smoking, she's singing,"A clickity clack, to there and then back, the blues in the night" Inspired by the thought of the blues, I had her listen to "Yhe Healer" w/John Lee Hooker & Carlos Santana...when Carlos aweeps in with the heart of his gutair, her eyes pop open wide in surprise..."Ma, that Caros Santana, isn't that gutair amazing?"
"Yes! Amazing!" she is quite agreeable these daze(Paxil)
3 cigs, baby talk Rex, zip her back to her room & an attendant, take some deep breaths & head for the next nusing home...picked up some White Castles as Dad asked, ^ sped the 40 minutes to where they were sitting, waiting, forgetting, fussing & spatting. Fed 'em, kissed 'em, left 'em.

Onto other sister's just down the road...more serious family talk, I need to be turning in receipt & mileage estimates & get reimbursed ot Uncle Sam will claim it & it is just one more thing to list, not loose, get into the mail, but as I do burn lots of miles tryin to be a good daughter, it either goes to the IRS or me...more details.

Home agan. Romantic trash burning with the man I love. the evening is gone. Crashtown to prepare for Mon., w & it starts again, not enough hrs in the day. another supervisor quit w/o notice today & they are demanding (as always) more quality work in less time, so i put in a lil time for free just to get 'er done. I am waaayy too good for them

Tomorrow is the dreaded inventory. more mundane, frustrating adventures, never enuff time, with storms & headaches predicted all week. Thunder roaring & rumbling now, forcing me to end this trite tale of candy everybofy wants(or not)

I get so &^^%%$$$%%^^&* many headaches...

1. You know, just about the time Oprah gets really good...today's rerun is about that warpped & wierd millinoaire old dude who went around kidnapping women & making then his sex slaves til he got bored with them & lets 'em go, & nobody believed the ladies, or they just never reported thier kidnapping & abuse cuz they feared the cops. Horrible as he is, it was cunning of him to never kill them...this way, we pay his room & board for the rest of his life...strange daze, indeed, Mama...

2.It was a rough week. Every morning, I woke to horrific headlines on the tube's local morning news & GMA, and everything just bit the big one with such intensity, leading the day off with mind-blowing crap & crappola running me down the rest of the day like the beads of sweat pouring into my stinging eyes, & me, still trying to work, and do a really good job in spite of everthing. Then, came the paycheck...$176 & change...that day off last week really hurt...but, @ least it was a GOOD DAY OFF!!!oh, yeah, I'm just so grateful for theat 10cent rent.

3.Funny. The pill thief of a few months ago, called me today as I was entering crdit union...said, "Guess who this is? You don't know who I am, do you?"
I hesitated,"Carrie? Whassup?" In the credit union now, not wanting to make a scene, callin her names or being flip. My turn @ the window,"Wait. Hold on," I put the phone down, do my banking biz, picked up the phone, she hung up. Didn't call her back. Turned me ipod on Red Hot Chili Peppers, & turned 'em up, & hit the country roads headin' for home, hoping she wouldn't be there when I got there. So heavy into Red Hot Chili Peppers enroute home, honestly, missed her return call 10 mins later. Got home, no body but us puppies @ Bubba's Place, replayed all of RHCP sittin on the back porch, noticed I had missed her call, chose not to call her back again, & watched the dark clouds gathering for tonite's rain with the pups for awhile, then came in to hit the Stream. Extremely fond of RHCP & all music in most any shape or form. Heard John Lee Hooker & Carlos Santana doin "The Healer" while sittting on the back porch, cloud watching. Reflected on the many times that that masterpiece of blues has actually healed me, and allowed it to heal me again. I want this young witch to forget I exsist...I can forgive, but she will only take advantage of my kindness, so I best keep kindness to myself, in all ways that I can. To assist with the healing, to strengthen my inner self. Never ending battle, truth, juctice, & kickin' it back.

4. deep breathes. maybe 1 asprin, more...2 tylenols @ 2pm....time for Oprah...need 1pod break anyway....been my constant companion 7/8s of my day, so far....maybe caffieene in coffee will help...storms are coming the sky is falling-I can feel it in my head! i pod ends with Moody Blues "to Share My Love."

5.Bubba detests Oprah, he is painfully pro NRA, & not so,are Oprah's opinions. It's almost 4:20...Bubba's late, unless he is mowing the lawn at his Mom's which could be. Thank God. it's Friday. I am looking forward to Bubba's return, hope he beats the storms, hope we can spend a quality Fri eve together spoiling the pups & each other.It's a good life when it is finally Fri...do a lil dance, make a lil love, get down tonite!

1,multiple storms have left me off line for fear of attractinf lightening this week.

2.Hot, hot, humid, unbearably bad days with never ending stuff that needs to get done for the poor kids in the factory's heat relief restricted to my 6-hr limit just cannot be done(by me) & the guilt @ doing my job half assed is depressing me & the heat...I just come home & sleep.

3. I lost a very important key related to work. I wish they would fire me, but they tell me that I am forgiven(shoot).

4)I don't care...you cannot hear in the factory anyway & the boss sez it is cool, so I weear my ipod as much as possible & at least have something to get me through the non stop, no break work...people were demanding that I stop work & sit for 5 minutes as the heat was so bad & I was so pale, sweaty, & in poor humor.

5. i can't do this in the morning...I gotta get to work! later gator

finally, Friday...and I've asked for Sundays off AGAIN...the money is crap, time off is precious...dunno when they will find coverage, they's like to have no one do it, but then I eat crappola on Monday primarily because I WORK ABOVE PAR FOR SUCH A SUB PAR COMPANY. feeling like I WANT TO QUIT, then go job hunting, but not in this economy...

also, this wk, I learned that Jeff, he of relentless rudeness is not rude because he neccesarily disrespects me...he is a recovering alcoholic....his meds make hin mean...he is intent on saving the world as that constant urgency will keep him from slipping...I see him differently now, and I am disappointed in myself for not realizing that his problems were deeper than I gave him credit for having. I pray a lil prayer for him now...& for me, for patience.