I keep getting kicked off the Stream. Is this a virus or an indirect result of my ever-challenging Boon-Dock Dialup substandard computer system? It took well over 45 minutes to get to the "Post" page...it will be intresting should the powers-that be allow me to stay...maybe it 'twas just a glitch, but I remain determinedly optomistic and will endeavor to persevere.

So, I took the rest of the day off, so to speak. I worked this AM, felt a lil' under the weather, and as the weather appeared foreboding, I decided not to go through with my usual Sunday "rounds." All the guys at work are battling some bad news viruses of one kind or the other, I decided to error on the side of caution & kick it back at home & not pass the cold to my folk's nursing homes or my friends & family...the usual place I frequent on Sunday afternoons. Staying home with Bubba sounds like a plan.

We had a chili extravaganza for our late lunch. An amusing mix of the local Mason's Lodge venison chili, combined with Campbell's Roadhouse & Fire House chilis. Some generous dashes of Smokey Tobasco & Original Tobasco competed with Whole Wheat Ritz's crumbled to perfection made for an excellent accompaniment to Bubba watching 2 football games on 2 different televisions with both volumes going at once. Sensory overload, but Bubba went back for thirds, while I had to go spend some backyard time with my K-9 kids to assist with proper digestion. They got a bit of the venison chili on their kibble & were rolling back 'n forth under the light rain's gray clouds making such a happy picture. It occured to me that my 3 dogs go beyond the fat and happy stage, & slide into home properly when referred to as being noble, sleek domesticated mud-puppies. I love 'em alot. The 5 of us have very good lives.

I have a cough, but it's no biggie. I had to leave word with the nurse's station for my Dad...it is such an effort for him to answer the phone. I don't know if I should go with a follow-up call in a bit or not. I don't feel guilty, but I do feel guilty. Such is my life. It's more than just a little silly of me, and I am tired of self-inflicted guilt trips let alone those visited upon me by others, you'd think I'd give up the self-destrctive habit altogether...such an accomplishment is forever a work -in-progress for me, but I am what I am And I AM working on it...

I couldn't hang with the duo football games in the living room & have retired to the bedroom with a cup of (get this) chocolate-carmel tea and some outrageous biscuits that my sister, Kathy gave me as a surprise Halloween gift. These are delicate short bread biscuit covered in different swirls & twirls of chocolate, & the short breads are subtly, unexpectedly flavored with lemon, line, carmel, chocolates & more outrageous flavors, & I say, if I gotta rest up, I'm doing it up right. Watching my own tube, I started the "Battlestar Gallectica" series on Friday aftwer work & taking it easy, but taking it steady, am watching them in order with subtitles so as not to miss any nuances from start to finish. But I do have this cough. And a headache. and appear to be defeating my purpose by blogging & not giving the storyline my undivided attention, as planned...hmmmm...well...I think I'll take a break & either come back or not, later. I want to enjoy the afternoon, so I best kick it back & check back in at my convenience. Besides, I need more tea & biscuits...

See ya when I see ya...this woman knows her limitaions.

New personal Tread head best: 5 1/4 Miles in 112 minutes. It is widely known that Ipod rock,roots-rocck reggae,blues, jazz, & Lation rock played softly or loudly, producing intensely profoud tunes is often kinked to the enthusiactic lil' shoulder action mid-stride, while truckin' in time to the rythm and the rhyme. When I pace myslf and allow me the pleasure of walking tall with some pride and maybe a lil class, I can really feel a glow from within...which is always nice work when you can get it.

Ah, but it's time-comsuming, and sweaty, and, as such, I feel it only fair to reward myself by indulging myself as long as possible in an over abundance shower of scented soft soap and suds.

And then, it's bedtime.

nite

Been workin' to make time for blogging all day. I got house work done, laundry & vacuuming done, exercise done, quality movie time w/ Bubba("Hellboy"),a break that I had to squeeze in @ 4:20, Santana's "Supernatural" DVD to Treadhead to, which puts many a fancy two-step into my pace, with the occasional whirl'n twirl during the more inspiring crescendos. ..Earlier in the morning. I had first &then, second breakfast(a Saturday tradition) in bed watching a lil "Buffy" with coffee, oatmeal, & more coffee, then second breakfast(whole wheat Eggos with honey). That's when Bubba returned from his own second breakfast down to the corner store where he & all the good ol' boys get together to save the world every Saturday morning. They buy lottery tickets, drink coffee, eat something unhealthy & greasy & advise the world what it needs to do in order to be saved. I don't go along, and I suspect the world is not listening to them either. But to each his/her own. I love it here at home, alone with my music, & my dogs, & my books, & my computer. And, thus, in this manner, I have generally had a great day off at home. This is my first day off in a string of 12 days on that included a mind boggeling inventory & I am so glad I made it!

Weighed myself for the first time in over a month this AM. & Good Golly Miss Molly!! I went & dropped 16 pounds & hadn't a clue. A few folks remarked that they could tell, but I'd always kinda blush it off. Now this is a rush. I weighed in & then, put on Sanatana, & treadheaded to the music & in no time, 4 miles in 80 minutes... as long as I have music, I've got better than a fighting chance at hitting a 20 lb loss & beyond. Dude! I'm 54! Have you any clue how hard it is for a middleaged chocoholic to loose weight? All of the odds are agasint me, and Hot Damn! I be beating them. On a proverbial roll!!!!

Last Thursday's headache was major all night & all of Friday. The rain remained constant & the veins in my head pounded rythm to match the raindrop's splatters. I coulda used a controlled substance then to help me get through all that drama with less pain, but in the end, I survived. This AM, my head was sore from the Thunderdome of the preceeding day & night, and Tylenol helped some to keep me going & make the most of my day, today. I dunno. Many more of those & once again, I'll be knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's door...(da doc's door, you'll figured that I figured that you would figure on that). But it would have to wait until after the wkend, & I'd have to jump through so many hoops...make appt.s, pay big bucks, struggle to keep them to myself in the pained faces of my friends...I dunno, kids. It just has all the earmarks of dreaded drama. I just dunno. I work tomorrow & do my rounds in my nearby home town. We'll see how it goes. If I feel good, if I don't let myself get stressed, if I dodge drama(in 2 different nursing homes? unlikely), but if I roll with the punches, I will cowboy up Monday & keep on trucki'n au naturel...That's what I'm hoping for. But then again, Thurs night & all day Friday was, indeed, Hell with an icepack. If you've never lived it, you cannot begin to even guess at it...

I so look forward to Halloween. I never had kids, & so I take great pleasre in admiring other people's adorable kids in their costumes,& handing them chocolate & sugar to go home & charm their parents with, and know that it is all over by my middle-aged bedtime. Bubba & I decorate the garage & sit inside there & talk by candlelight, as the groups of happy, colorful kids come & go, & the brave ones will reach out to pet our dogs. Bubba has a lil fence across the garage door so that dogs & kids stay divided & there are no unpleasznt surprises, but, the brave kids like to reach over the fence & pet the curious, kindly barking dogs. We just beam. And eat chocolate. Don't even play music. Just quiet, soft, kind conversation between visits from goblins & fairy princesses. It's really quaint & fun. And we get to give the kids back to their folks after they tell us what they are dressed as, then, we are alone with just the candle light the quiet, & the dogs on the lookout for the next bunch.

Time changes tonite...if I crash early, maybe I'll get up early & finish work early & start my rounds early, and just maybe get back home early. The pups are already asleep, Bubba's watching Killer Bees on PBS in the other room, and I don't hurt, but I am a lil drowsey. I'm thinking I'm gonna crash & increase my chances at having a good day tomorrow in spite of the many challenges. Early to bed & early to rise makes it easier for me to roll with the punches to get to what's real.

Later Daze, Kids...

16 pounds...go figure...owe it all to the treadmill & music, not neccesarily in that order. Turning the clock back, & turning in for the night, hoping for the best on the morrow...the "Secret of life Is Enjoying the Passage of Time..." "I get by with a lil help from my Friends" Me vida es buena.

You know that I love to watch "Earl"...even the reruns. I like the characters, as well as the Karma... I especially liked the one where Earl's Dad was running for mayor, and Darnell said that he was regisgtered to vote, but didn't, because the electoral college negated the vote of the individual, which is pretty much the way I feel about it. I will vote, but I know I will only be voting for the crook of my choice, and I truly do not believe that my vote counts. Politics so bites the big one. It's a chore, but it is my duty. & I look forward to it about as much most as folks look forward to jury duty. As in not.

I use too many metaphors & cliche's when I write. Folks misinterrput my meanings alot. But I am what I am. My brother-in-law was upset by my fondness for big words last Sunday. I ate pizza & fried chicken in the same day & commented that I had a" voracious appetite." Rick says why didn't I just say "huge"...I dunno. I guess 'cuz that is what Rick would say, and Cher would say "voracious", as I feel that my big word was more all-encompassing...geez, it just called for a big word...I hardly ever eat either one of those foods. It was a special occasion. Thus, it called for a special adjective. I just like words. One of the reasons I blog...I love words. I just do.

Yup, all I take for headaches is Tylenol these days. No, it does not always work. But a woman's got to know her limitations. If I ask for & get Hydrocodone, the doc gets worried & lectures me, but as he knows my pain is real, he would grant my request IF I pressed the issue. Then, Id feel guilty. Then, when I had it, I'd share it. And it brings out the worst in the people that I share with. Sure, I should keep it to myself, but it is not in my nature to watch others in pain, and who isn't suffering most of the time to one point or another?Then, when I do share, things ALWAYS get out of hand. Cher shares. She always has, she always will. But, if I have no contraband to share...guess what? No drama.I dig no drama. Imitrex,as Moosnsilver suggested DID work for me in the mid-ninties. I am one of the many uninsured, and Imitrex co$ts almost $18 a dose. You are only allowed 2 doses in 24 hours. So, if 2 doses do not work, you have this huge headache and you are out almost $40 smackers. More than a day's pay. It took many ineffective shots & pills before it pissed me off & I quit asking for it. It worked for awhile. Like many things that I have known, it was wonderful, for awhile. Maybe I built up a resistance to it, I really dunno. But who has the buck$ to pay for something that used to work, sometimes...not me, not anymore. Over it. Been there, done that, over it. I'm trying to keep my life as uncomplicated as I comfortably can. I may change back any ol' time & bug said doc... & endure the lecture... & fork over the additional $80 for a 7-minute visit that I wait in the waiting room for more than 1/2 hour to recieve...just not yet. Besides, I am building up brownie points with the doc by not bugging him for narcotics right now, and that's a good thing. I want one of those signs that says "NO DRAMA"...it's a goal. I get a headache, I eat Tylenol & I either beat it or I don't. If it's really bad, I crash. It dosen't last forever. It steals some days,& often, some nights. But it is what it is, and right now, this is how I deal. Bubba suffers from mega-headaches, as well. He only takes 1 Sine-off...a kid's dose. For a major headbanger, after 3 hours, he may eat anothe one. He has been good for me in so many ways.

All this headache talk...3 guesses...rain & fluctuating barometric pressures & storm fronts moving out, and coming in PLUS the power of suggestion...plus...it's bedtime. Better git while the gittin kin still be good...

Wanted to say more, though. Usually do. Inventory come & gone. Great session with Cecile. Wanted to write more, and later, undoubtedly, I will. But, a woman's got to know her limitations...

Did I mention this? My therapist, Cecile, "gently challenges" my claim to low self esteem. She says that I have too much fun with my life to suffer from low self esteem...instead, she asks me to consider the possibility that I am a very humble person, extremely humble...that humility & low self esteem can often be mistaken, one for the other. What a concept. Bears some deeper thought, methinks. I do enjoy so many aspects of my life...nothing holds me back, there. Except migraines.

I'm battling yet another headache, as you may have guessed...so many of late. Weather oriented, stress based, just my luck, whatever-they just are what they are. A part of my life. Quick break for even more Tylenol. Stop. Think. The only life I get to remember, & I have learned that even that, is for a limited time only. I don't want to look back on my life & remember how much I missed due to pulsating blood vessels constricting & dialating at the whims of what dosen't even register with most folks. Yes, I eat a lot of Tylenol. Compared to my past indescrestions-we won't even go there, thank you very much. I have done so much worse. I really, sincerely, "hope I die before I get old" (yup, ripped that off of The Who). But seeing my folks...warehoused in under staffed noisy, dank-smelling, wards...only able to get a simple pain pill w/ much begging & luck, as who remembers to tell the nurse & when will the nurse remember to get it to them...to go through all of that physcological trauma, plus be in searing pain, and to be so physically limited that you are unable to complete a trip to the restroom w/o monumental effort...no way. "Harold & Maude" will be my mantra always in all ways. Remember Simon & Garfunkel's "Old Friends?" "Can you imagine us years from today, sharing a park bench quietly? How terribly strange to be seventy..." Eighty is my cut off point. Big talk now, I know...but the horror I see every Sunday...

With that sobering buncha crapola said, I did have a decent Sunday of "rounds." Mom dwells in her seperate reality, but she is always happy I bring Rex & cigarettes. She is not very aware of very much else, and if she is, it is soon forgotten. Dad had his heart set on Sicilian pizza, from Pizza Hut...I didn't even know how to find the place let alone what to order. I guess that there is a meat-lover's Sicilian & a Ravioli Sicilian & though I got the wrong one, he was brought to happy tears to get anything other than the bland pablum that the nursing home dishes out. Next week, I'll get the meat one. I could munch on the cheese one, but I don't need any of that stuff in my system, so if I get the meat-lover's I won't fall prey to blowing my health oriented attempts at a diet.

Crushed my big toenail a week back, & when I tried to trim it down even, I had to cut below the quick. Wearing socks & shoes has unpleasantly smarted all week, but it is mostly healed now, & I hope to get back on the treadmill again. As I have mentioned, I have lost very little poundage, but I have stregthened & toned & slimmed down in a most inspiring fashion. I was on such a roll....inventory tomorrow, Cecile on Wednesday...I gotta get back at it.

OK..head hurts...this was a no-brainer entry, but it was an entry, nonetheless. I gotta bow out.

I won't visit sites that make fun of me for going there, by the way. If somebody wants me to visit their site, they will have to quit with the cookies. It wasn't funny the first time,nor the 6th time and I know they know it.I am so over the games. Nothing witty about it. really beneath them, I gave 'em more credit. why would they disrespect folks who wanted to include their writing in their lives? I thought they had more class... silly me. Rude, not funny, them. Bet this blogger won't return.

Lucy, Colo, Mary Elizabeth...I'll come visit soon. I may have to get in line, as your popularity is quite overwhelming, but your kindness and love(yep, love...it ain't so hard to believe, Laddies) and respect for me, whether I am up or down, is what real friends do for each other. Puppy, Ice, Scratch, Moonsilver, Whit & all you wonderful bloggers...you all have added such quality to my life. I hope to contact you more often in the future, but I do live in a bubble, as Lucy observed, and considering the alternatives, I reccomend doing so, highly.

And Mokie Joe-are you gonna cut me some slack for running late on your birthday tidings? Forgive me, bro...I be still a Deadhead & we all know it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pulsating blood vessels rule. I bow in submission. Next entry, I will aim for happy talk. Reality truly bites. My head, anyway, tonight.