Yeah...I kin be such a schmuck.

This memory drifting allowed me to forget my motto:
THE SECRET OF LIFE IS ENJOYING THE PASSAGE OF TIME...
Dude, any fool kin do it-there ain't nuthun to it...I just gotta remember to remember. So, let's do a do over for my Friday Five, I kin dig it...\

1) In spite of self esteem issues, I will find me a job that improves my out look on life & myself, and be an asset to whatever company recognizes my potential & gives me a chance. I am always an asset. well, sometimes, I'm just an ass.
2)I hope to take a week off in early May, when the weather kicks ass & I can celebrate the day of her birth with my lil' sister, and take some more healthy stabs at cleaning out my junk room while reviewing my many wonderous rock n' roll DVDs-James Taylor Live at the Beacon(Bacon?) Theater in particular.
3) I have 3 adorable, loving dogs...if they hear me start to cry, they run to my side to give me something happy to think about. They are precious to me, and are all named for the Deadfull Grate in 1 fashion or another...Ramble On Rose, Pretty Peggy-O & Rex. I tried to change Rex's name to Tennesee Jed when I first got him, but then, just let it be, when I remembered that Phil Lesch does charity work his "Rex Foundation" which works with 3rd World countries heping to give eyesight to those in need. All of my adult single life, I wanted dogs named for the Dead...when I was married, we had dogs, but they were all named for his motorcycle, which he had no problem gloating that he loved the machine more than me & refused to allow me to name any animals for the Dead or Carlos. He was such an ass. I am so over that egotistical, narrsasistic, selfish excuse for a human being.
4) Bubba loves me. I don't feel worthy, just lucky. He is so kind, clean, and fine. So real. Many people live their whole lives with great jobs never knowing anything remotely akin to the love I have found. My job does not define me, my love does.
5)My family loves me...in spite of my running away from home the majority of my life, I learned that you can too go home again. And you will be accepted & loved for just being you. Or as in my case, me.

I ain't got no reason to be such a downer. Having a job is jusdt another way of passing the days. I've had wonderful jobs, and right now, just not so much. Whatever I end up doing, I will make the best of it. I am still learning, always trying to remember that motto...

X-TRA BONUS POINT...I have a computer, I have the Stream, I have books, I have a treadmill, and a new big red truck...Dude, I have it all, but sometimes, I forget. Youse guys always help me out. Last nite I just needed to get by with a li' help from my friends. Thanks-as I hoped, today is a better day, and youse guys are so very instrumental in the quality of my life...ain't it grand?

1) I am emotionally & financially burned out with my job.
2) I have initiated a request for a week off starting May 8th on what is termed as a vacation. However, if my request is granted:
3) I will spend the week job hunting-there are few things I hate worse than job-hunting...I might as well refer to it as "Adventures in Rejection."
4) My lack of self esteem is appalling...it does not improve with age... I dunno why I have so little faith in myself. It is nobody's fault, but my own..."We never failed to fail, it was the easiest thing to do."
5) I "will survive being bested..." I have lots of experience.

I dunno. I just want to live until I die, hopefully not in too much pain for too long, nor being a burden to those I love.

My God, when did I get so old? and bummed? and how? and why? where do I go from here? I've seen better days. Sometimes you feel like a nut, and sometimes you just can't get a handle on keeping yourself from being a buzz kill. "I'm not aware of too many things, I know what I know, if you know what I mean...shove me in the shallow water, before I get too deep...don't let me get too deep..."

An imaginary city that shall be referred to as Jokeland from here on out, played host to yet another Deadful Grate concert @ Jokeland Auditorium. Opening for the Grate was the remnants of the famous reggae band formerly known as Todd Barley & The Trailers. Todd had crossed over to the "other side," cut off in the prime of his life at the height of his career...a tragedy still mourned by many a dancing fool (like me, whoever I am).

The Trailers managed to stay together & keep on boogeying on with many a raggae woman. That's how they came to visit the volunteers at the Sock
Medicine clinic in search of a remedy for a social disease that the entire band had contacted somewhere in the midst of their boogeying. They filed into the clinic one by one, and one by one they each recieved a strong medication injected into their posteriors that was especially formulated to conquer the social disease that was bumming them out.

They were smiley, friendly, congenial and grateful for our medical intervention. They asked if there was anyway that they could repay us for taking care of their problem.

"We are a free clinic, but we do accept donations," we told them in all honesty and innocence.

"All right, Mon, here ya' go," they laughed, and handed over two hand- rolled fatties of ambiguous legality. About 5 of us(whoever we were) just looked at each other for about 7 seconds, before telling other staff members to cover for us while we went out into the crowd to see if we could find any kids passed out from too much fun (happens a lot at Deadful Grate concerts). Before we knew what was happening, the 5 of us yielded to temptation and sparked those fatties up. That's about all we could remember. The sparking up, closely followed by the failure of all 10 of our knees to support our weight. We had no choice but to sit down on the floor in a circle & look at each other and laugh alot. We spied another staff member patrolling the audience in the line of duty, & managed to flag him down & send him for help. Within 5 minutes, a large group of staff members arrived at our giggle circle & helped we five slackers to our feet & half-walked, half-carried us back to the clinic where we got to lay down on the air matresses that we had inflated with our own breath just a few short hours before. We slept it off, and expressed our sorrow & apologies for our unprofessional conduct to our fellow volunteers. Most of the staff just teased us about the incident. My ex, P.U., though was very pissed at me(whoever I am) and gave me Hell for the next week, and whenever possible never let me forget my momentary lapse of reason...he had long-since lost his sense of humor, and had replaced it with a psuedo power-trip, which he inflicted on my psyche whenever he needed to feel superior. Which was prety much all of the time.

The preceeding story is just a fig newton of my imagination. But it's really funny in hindsight...

so much to do...every day is full...catch-up is a game that just can't be won...not by me, not today, anyway.

I have many more Rock Medicine Stories...some flirt with going one toke over the line, sweet Jesus, & I will have to do some deep thinking about just how much cher wants to share, as I don't want my wild daze to come back & bite me on the ass...there are somethings that I should not tell the world about...or are there? hmmmm... all things in moderation....just, maybe...we'll see.

But the night got away from me...I've had this kick-ass headache for 2 daze now, dealt with inventory, & now, it is time to crash & try to sleep this bad boy off...Bubba insists blogging is the root of all my headaches... (I've had headaches all of my life, I've been blogging since last fall), & he is now bugging me to cease & desist for my own good & he just might be right this one time...

So, as soon as I can get it together, I'll put a lil sumthun, sumthun together...

can you believe it? Methinks the Prankster might be a bigger Dead head than I? ahhh...but, it'd be a close race between Prank & drkstar, my ol Dad head Bud, the often aforementioned Sean...that's a race I'd like to see...Sean taught me almost everything about The Dead...& I was his eager, avid pupil....magical daze, indeed, darlin'!

I'll try again soon. ...& hey, now kids-rock on!

Oh yeah...nothing from blogstream is still getting thru to my mail... my email is gollyned2@yahoo.com if you wanna get in touch

later, gators-cher

I've gone to "setting", said yes to mail blogstream to my e-mail & it just ain't happening. Perhaps this site is haunted...is any one recieving me? this is giving me a headache...tomorrow is another day & I will try again...but I got this great risque story about The Whalers...if I don't violate any privacies in pursuit of amusing hippie medicine stories....hmmmm. should I mabe deactivate this blog & start another? Not my idea of a good time, but I can't see where I'm messing up nor how to unmess it. O Woe is me