It all depends on how you look at things.
Monday, @ 3AM, my pounding headache rudely thundered me awake. Utilizing 3 icepacks, I numbed some of the pain for awhile, lay in bed listening to storms, and Bubba and our dogs softly snoring. My nerves were shot. I quietly fought to control my breathing, to relax whatever I could along that route that the involved nerve encompasses from behind my right eye, to above the eye, in almost a staight line up my head, down to the back of my head, into my entire right scapular area. I was encased in ice, encased in pain, in misery.
One reason I keep my sub-standard job is that I can usually complete the job in spite of migraines. Migraines, I've learned, have no place in the work place...I learned that in many ways, several times in my past.
I was in agony, but went to work, as I am broke, and I almost always go to work no matter how much pain I am in. My only choices are to live my life with & in spite of my migraines, or stay home, in the dark quiet, seeking escape through sleep and not really have much of a life. I worked in agony, and before I left, grew bold enough to call my regular medical physician & make a Tuesday afternoon appointment. If you know me, you know I have no insurance & have 1/2 paid off a $13,000 bill in two unsuccessful pain block attempts in the last 7 months...I cannot afford pain blocks that don't work, so I was returning to my regular medical physician for the first time in 9 months.
I worked Tuesday, in agony, still. I drove the 30 miles to my M.D. in agony. I was still suffering beautifully when I finally saw my doc. He empathazised and sympathized with my dilemma & I was amazed that he prescribed a strong pain pill and an anti-depressant. His bill $80.00, gas there & back @ $2.53 a gallon, cost of medicine $278 and change. But maybe, it will improve the quality of my life...
Wednesday, feeling better, still feeling "hung over" without the benefit of a drink, again went to work, all musculature stiff & painful from the trauma of the migraine. My cell rings & it is this moocher ex-work partner calling to see if I can get away for a break. Not today(she knows Wednesdays are busy), but come check with me tomorrow on my Kick-back Thursday. She says, "Is Bubba at work?" Strange question. "Yeah, why wouldn't he be?", "Oh, I just haven't talked to you for so long, I didn't know if he was still working or not. He's a work-a-holic, she knows that. Strange answer. But I really did not think the Q&A through... an hour later, she calls and asks coincidently what the medicine I coincidently got the day before was. She told me "some girl" had given her a couple & she didn't know what they were. Strange question. "It's a strong pain medication...someone just gave some to you?" "Yeah, but I'm not going to take it..." she is sputtering and stammering...my head hurt..."Look we'll talk about this tomorrow, on Kickback Thursday...come up early & meet me after work."I had only taken two pills that AM, and left the rest at the house for safe-keeping. I high-tailed it home, went to the drawer where I knew I had put my meds beneath my washcloths, and they were gone. THE ENTIRE BOTTLE, GONE. Now, my head began pouding. Bubba helped me tear the bathroom apart, looking for them, the better part of 3 hrs, and they were just gone. And the puzzle pieces formed in my mind against my will, but it was all common sense, with the benefit of hind sight... She's a tiny girl, she has been to my house often, my dogs know & love her...so she most likely got a really friendly greeting when she came & scooted through the dog door, walked straight to my bathroom & went through my drawers until she found something she liked...she figured she'd like it, after having the cajones(or stupidity) to call me & ask what they were. I know she took them. She knows I know. Bubba added a chain lock to the fence this AM, as he expects her back for more & she will have to scale the fence before wriggling through the dog door again...we will park our vehicles so she can not park hers to get a leg up on any fence scaling...she never showed up when I got off work. I did not figure that she would...I called her...told her we were robbed, told her it was definitely someone who had been in our house before, knew our dogs, knew their way around, knew we were both at work. I told her we knew it had to be some one we knew. She knew I knew. I told her that Bubba said, no more old friends can come to our house, and that he didn't want me to make any new friends(that was stretching it).But we know it was an "inside job." We both agree it 98.9% had to be her. She was always mooching, the one that borrowed & never returned CDs & DVDs until I chased her down. She still has my Tom Petty "Full Moon Fever," but insists that she doen't.
Worked today, still bummed, told her we couldn't be friends anymore, still a headache, came home early as no sleep & the last 4 days have been suffering from headaches, and to my surprise, Bubba was home when I got home here early. He had several dizzy spells at work, one so bad he had to sit down, and may have passed out for a minute. His co-workers were concerned, somebody who knew how to look for a pulse could't find it as it was racing so fast. He said his heart was "banging away faster than it ever had done before," but he refused to let anyone drive him anywhere. He eventually DROVE himself home.(Not his smartest move). Trying to rest, he only felt worse & was unable to get a BP reading from his new digital BP cuff. So, (again stubborn & not so bright), he drives to his doctor, a good 25 miles off("longest drive" he ever took). BP @ MD office 190/92. EKG, he says, was within normal limits(?)...but he has been referred to a heart specialist next Tuesday.
"Why didn't you call me? You shouln't have been doing all that driving"
Big, blue innocent eyes, "I didn't want to add more stress to your day. I knew you were already stressed because your little friend ripped you off."
I can get more medicine next month! Stolen pain meds no longer matter in the least. I could have lost the man I love today...I more than likely came really close to it.
Then, I get on the Stream & see what Lucy has lived through, and painfully, chosen to relive. And I think about "Suicide Survivor" scraping by, on one terrible day, after the next... & Mary Elizabeth going it alone in uncharted waters, with her cubs in tow...
So many people in so much precarious pain...untold pain...I am crying for the lot of us, with a prayer in my heart for better days. We are both going to bed now, with pounding headaches seeking shelter from the storm...
May we all live to see Adam's dawn.
