Pulled off another good Monday...love when that happens. Busy, without being frantic, constant, without breaking a sweat, and all the time making friends & influencing people. If only my job payed a livable salary...but, it is just too much fun for that, I guess. Thank God. that I am a kept woman, and Bubba spoils me rotten.
Can't stay on line for long, as I have adult responsibility crappola to do tonight. Pay bills, laundry...heck, I've even been on a roll doing some housework ,since I got home... but,that's not gonna last...I just ain't the type. But what I did get done, Bubba noticed, and quite frankly that was my true ulterior motive. To make a token effort, & having Bubba notice & approve. And now, we are both pretty much over it. I still live my life, in many ways, as an irresponsible baby-boomer, but I seem to be pulling it off without hurting anyone, and I am having fun." Are you having any fun? What good is all you've got, if you're not, havin' any fun?"

My friend, Deb wants to come over & help me go through my junk room some wkend soon, as it remains a work-not-even-close-to-being-a-work-in-progress. That should prove to be an interesting mini-adventure...provided we both keep our sense of humor. Moving two sets of folks into nursing homes in the last coupla years showers one with many useless dust collectors & geegaws. I just threw the stuff in the junk room & closed the door really fast. But it appears that it is now trying to creep back out into the hallway & bedroom & we just can't have that. The last decade or so before going to the nursing, Mom was Hell-bent on collecting those Franklin Mint collectible, unusable plates that one hangs on the wall in order to collect dust & have one's relatives & friends pretend to admire them. Eagles, doves, Colonial men & women in cameo, as well as intricate detail & color. Geisha girls, far away places with strange sounding names, Norman Rockwells, sunrises, sunsets, so very much stuff. Just stuff. When everything was auctioned off, theses plates that she payed $30-$60 bucks a pop for orginally,and consideredthem to be an investment, went for $3-$5, sometimes 2 for 1. I just found 4 dove plates that I swear that I refused when we were splitting things up before auction, and yet, there in the junk room proof positive of me being a sentimental old fool. Why on earth did I take these plates? I cannot eat off of them, I live on a dirt road,and have 3 shedding dogs...I said "No" to so much crap-but not near enough. Stuff is just stuff...Only in America are we plagued with an overabundance of just stuff for the sake of having stuff. People are the craziest people that I know...

And good golly, Miss Molly! The fund raisers at work just keep coming. For the workers' school kids, for Hospice, for Breast Cancer. Collections for individuals in distress...it just does not stop. I am lucky to bring home $200 a wk...I keep thinking that I have to be my own favorite charity, but end up giving small donations to whatever, whenever...and I know better. I have no insurance, and need to buy Celebrex this week , but have already contributed $12 to 3 worthy causes, and it is only Monday!! I just have to learn to bow out gracefully. That, or put out my own tip cup(I know of certain individuals in my job position that do just that), but I'd get bad inner-vibes if I were to be associated with doing something like that. I need to go to work in a cafe or a bar...but then, my job would not be fun, anymore. Where I work now, the folks like me-they really like me! Mostly. When the contract came up last year for negotiations, the people told my bosses that they could renew the contract, as long as they got to keep Cher working there, and no one else. It got me a 50-cent an hour raise,(in a company that ususally nickels and dimes raises), & I was sworn to secrecy about my windfall raise...which only totals out to $7.50 an hour...like I'd brag about it, instead of grumble. What I need to do is force their hand, give 2 wks. notice & see if they offer me more to stay...sounds like a lot of expended energy, and for what? Not enough- maxed out at an impossible-to-get unheqard of $8.00 an hr? I just do not have the cajones, or the energy. I'm not hungry. I want for nothing, living from day-to-day, merrily rolling along. I've got me some serious self-esteem problems, sure...always have, always will. But the deal-breaker? This is the only job I know of where I can wear an icepack on my banging migraine, and go home early after completing the tasks that cannot be let to slide, when I am caught up in that ol familiar Suffer-Land AKA migraines.

So, I hang in. I tread water. It is what I have always done, and I have gotten by, I have survived. Gotten by with a little help from my friends...my spirit...my faith. All things considered, I'm doing all right.

So, I watched the first 1/2 of the game & was cheering for the long-hair purty Hawaiian-looking Steeler, but I dunno...I thought it was kind of slow, didn't you? Sorry to say, I also thought Mick was starting to act his age. When I saw him 15 yrs ago, he still totally rocked. Now, I'm thinking he, too, could do with some Celebrex.Then again, one could totally get The Grateful Dead, unless you were @ the show in person...it just may be that way for the Stones. Or maybe it is just me. I used to have a 1970 VW bug with a bumper sticker that said"Another Picky Deadhead" and another that said "There is Nothing Like A Grateful Dead Show." Yup, Glory-daze.

So much for not staying on line long. Just a Bullshifter @ heart(& soul)I guess- I can't help myself...I am what I am and that's all what I am, and I will catch y'all in a later reality.

I FEEL GOOD. And Bubba says he'd feel better if I were to stay off the cold, snowy slick roads & stay home with him.

"So I can blame it on you?"

"Yes Dear. You can tell everybody that mean ol' Larry won't let you go to town today."

and that is so very cool. To have the day off and not be hurting and watch movies all day with thte guy I love, and spoil the dogs, and have our own lil Super Bowl party.
Just think, a day off, no pain, lots of surfing, Mick @ half-time, I can watch the game and wander off, back and forth...who knows...I might clean something...(don't count on it).

Now, I understand why folks love snow.

They control my life.
They last all day, most of the day, several days, many nights.
Usually in my right eye in this impossible straight line across my head ,down the back of my neck, into my right scapular area, often including my right year, throbbing in painful harmony with my heart beat.
I am far beyond caring why I am in such frequent pain. A forcep baby, my mother worked for a doctor when she was pregnant with me and he gave her prescription dexadrine throughout that pregnancy. It doesn't matter.
I often pray, and the answer is usually "No"
It is dictated by diet, barometric changes, cloudy days, rainy days,windy days, sunny days. It is controlled by worry, anxiety, stress, luck, Karma, depression. It does not matter, as it is in control.
It just is.
It tires me. Frustrates me. Owns me. Hurts me. Is me.
It only makes sense to figure this much pain, this often, must contribute to some form of drain bamage.
I have a sense of humor about my pain.
I have no sense of humor when I am in pain.
Medication has a 50/50 chance of increasing the pain.
Medication often does not touch the pain, for better or worse.
These are the cards I've been dealt, and I deal with it how I can, when I can-ice,no lights, no sensory input,deep breathing, going to Jamaica in my mind, visualization, seeking sleep, ignoring the pain, reveling in the pain, prescription medication, o.t.c. medication, no medication, more ice.
I have recently incurred a huge hostital bill trying to conquer these demons through 2 unsuccessful pain block surgeries. I am now wearing a patch to dialate my cerebral veins and arteries to keep me from having headaches. None of this stuff works for long, if at all.
These headaches are who I am.
I give up.
I again seek relief in sleep.
and more ice.

1) I was putting my lousy excuse for a paycheck in my purse under the rug when I saw my boss walk by to do a surprise visit. I forgot her name for a moment, stammered, yell'd,"Hey darlin'" @ her back, she turned around to me & motioned for me to come catch up with her which I did, leaving my keys on the front seat, locking the truck door. When Bubba came to my rescue (after 10 unsuccesful & 1 succesful attempts to reach his cell, catch him @ work,I finally caught him @ home. He's forgotten his cell.The guys @ his work fogot to tell him that I called. He showed up, unlocked the truck, and says "I'm glad I never forget stuff."
2)Zorro II bites the big one...what a ridiculous excuse for a movie. How could Spielberg put his name on it? I should have researched it before we decided to get it...the 1st was pretty good. The sequel was an insult to the audience.
3)Snow expected in the AM...expected pre-eve headache has Bubba & me crashing early. @ least, we are both in the same boat
4)I do not want to pay another Hallmark toll for the upcoming VALENTINE HOLIDAY...candy is fattening, roses die quickly...I WANT BUBBA & I TO POOL OUR FUNDS & get a DVD box set of something that we will both enjoy.
5)Bubba says that is cool, but he will prob. still get me candy &/or flowers besides which...
6)we hurt. we are crashing for tonite, I look forward to the morrow, I hope we triumph over our pain & have a great day together after sleeping in really late...maybe even after 7AM.
7) I AM BLESSED
8)I tend to get carried away downstream...I just love words.

I can get in tinnitus trouble w/my headphones & here I go again. I pride myself on keeping an open mind an the closed subject that I love la musica de Carlos Santana...Bubba & Carlos,, not so much. So, while he watches his 4the edition of the news this evening I am in my own Latino reality with Carlos's latest CD...AAiiiee carrumba! I'm having fun, now! my favorite tune is the one he does with Mary J Blige..."My Man"...and if you have heard the tune, you can guess why. Heck...you do not have to have much imagination to figure out why from the title, alone..."my man's what a man's supposed to be...and all that I am & all that I'll be, is there in his eyes,..." you've got to hear it for yourself. Marvin- you are lucky I didn't send lyrics for this bad boy..it does not get a lot of air time on FM, but in addition to hip-hop, it rocks!

What a nice couple of days I have had Wed & Thurs...work just rolled along...New girl working the factory evenings is helping me a lot! Starts my day off w/ a head start from her extra efforts to help out. Makes a big difference in the work day. Not copping much O.T. , but quality time with bud Jeannie, being home alone w/Bubba, cruising in my truck, watching movies, spoiling the dogs, listening to music...who can put a price on that? Me vida es buena...my life is good.Hey, Adam-Warlock-Dude, did I tell you that I danced with Carlos Santana backstage @ Eric Clapton w/Phil Collins on drums within touching distance?(2 dances), Robert Cray was the opening act... How many times did I tell you? One tends to relive their glory days whenever possible...Later, I hope Bubba stays awake long enough so that I can listen to Carlos & John Lee Hooker doing the "The Healer" one more time to finish my Thursday in a blaze of glory. Did I ever tell you about the time that that tune actually healed me? I've known 3 women who gave birth w/"The Healer" playing in the background...

"My Name is Earl" is on tonight. Even though Bubba is a little vague on the concept of Karma, we never miss it. It warms my heart and cracks me up...I see purchasing boxed sets of "Earl" in the near future for myself. Sometimes you feel like that nut("I'm just trying to be a better person!"), sometimes you don't...happily, tonite, I do.
I agree w/ de Iceman(again)...I could lose it all & still survive as long as I had my music...and my DVDs, as Bubba, as you know, don't dance, & Bubba don't rock 'n roll. Bubba was country before country was cool. Just fit it "The Healer" before "Earl". Get ready to crash,now & surf around a bit on the Stream...I'm thinking that with a 9:30 bedtime, and payday(such as it is) tomorrow, and a nice wkend w/Mick & the boys @ half time for Super Bowl, headphones, my own tube & DVD player just down the hall from Bubba watching the game, I'm thinking that it does not get much better than this.

Ok...that's all the words of wisdom for now. If I pull off a good day tomorrow, that will make 4 out of 5 good work days, and that works for me, too.

Turn on your love light...and leave it on! Hasta manana! Con mucho gusto!