OK...Been sick, then my computer was sick & now my whole life has changed...for the better. Youse guys all know the words to "Shine On Harvest Moon?" No confrontation w/ the aforementioned Evil Dude is neccesary if I just shine him on...OK, OK, OK...the dude was in pain & I helped him weather some of his pain. Then he got to expecting monthly help & as I never asked for a monetary exchange, I just wanted to help a fellow human being, he began pouring on the BS, begging for more& more pain relief. Do I have to beat around the bush? Next time I am in a position to lend aid to the dude, I will simply shine him on. Tell him that I, too, can no longer recieve pain meds & therefore, I have nothing to offer him. It is against my nature to watch another suffer when I have the ability to help, but it is the best way to handle this within my comfort zone. Besides, it's against the law to help people in pain with your pain meds & I will shine him on. He got greedy, stupid & overbearing, and the only one that can stop it is me...and it's a good 2 wks until showdown time and if I can't shine this dude on, then, there is something definitely amiss with me. His sob story included smashing his cell accidently in the truck door, a sister with an aggresive cancer, no Christmas, etc. I don't need to deal with him, I just don't need to be his friend, and I don't need to share with anyone. I've had a 3 day flu, a 3 day migraine, and it has, indeed taught me that what is mine is going to stay mine. He will know I'm shining him on, but he will not be able to do anything about it. I always forget that I am the one holding all the cards. Nothing to share=nothing to get upset about...He, too had the option of a pain block (of which I have had 2 and they want to do a 3rd before burning the nerve). I have had these 2 treatments, one of which included a needle in my eye, as will the 3rd one. He refused the pain blocks, and he has insurance, which I do not have...I have paid a full $5,400 to the hospital...I have paid for these lousy little pain relievers in more ways than one, and lately, I see the dude limping when he knows I am looking, walking fine when he dosen't know I am around. I still owe & pay the hospital money & pay full price for medication. I have never asked this guy for a dime. I don't want money. I felt bad for his pain. I got played, now I will play back...that is within my comfort zone. Besides, for all I know, the Doc won't give me any next month. I survived on plain Tylenol this week...I can go without a prescription, and if I do get one, I can keep it to myself as it was meant to be. I was only trying to help....OK...enuff of that...I got good news....

Bubba loves me. He absolutely loves me, & I cannot get over it & he keeps on proving it. My car sprouted a radiator leak & since it is just a hunk o' junk, Bubba said he's not gonna fix it. He's gonna help me buy a new truck...it will be in my name, but he will co-sign and help me with payments...I will pay $100, a month & he will help with payments from then on, as needed. A 2006 Chevy Cheyenne 1500...""it ain't no little truck, Cher", he just told me. Man, I'd be happy with him fixing up the junker or helping me find a new junker, but cuz I've never had a new vehicle in my life (& never will again), he wants to do this for/&with me. This is his idea. I told him I'd go job hunting & try to get a better paying one. He says "Where are you going to find a job that you enjoy as much as you do this one at your age? Don't bother. We will work it out." He's like, gonna co-sign if the loan for me does not go through. My record is good, but my income stinks, but I want for nothing. I pay my 1 credit card off every month, 2 months on the outside, something I've only done twice that I can remember. And it's a red truck-"cuz, now you are going to be in the red," he laughed.

So, I am a kind woman. Who has found a kind man. We have been together 13 years, and had maybe 7 disagreements, none of them do I remember in detail @ all, other that an ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach when I was in the midst of those diagreements. Confrontation is not my forte, as I have mentioned. Good karma, as of late, seems to be.Despite my ordeal with the sniveling beggar...

Bubba went to Radio Shack & got me a replacement modular line cord(the broken thingy), on the way back from the truck dealer's. He is not fond of the computer, but he picked me up what I needed to keep myself swimming in the stream..

I am a blessed woman..if (when) I start whinning about crappola that I caused in the 1st place, regardless of my good intentions, remind me of what I am. BLESSED. I just to stop being so nice to everybody & save all my good intentions for my old man, as that is definitely what he is doing for me.

I make friends all the time. Constantly, I keep making friends. That may sound good, but it isn't always...there are those who are not worthy of my friendship, and bully my good natured intentions and take the friendship to the point of pain- always my pain. NEVER THEIRS. I saw my ex-husband today in "Surviving his Abuse"...and I saw the guy that I allowed to take advantage of my good nature there, today, as well, the aforementioned Evil Dude...I allowed him to bully me out of some of my personal posessions, and the promised payback never happened, and he does not answer his cell.

I still have lots of work to do on myself, but, man, I don't want to face these controlling SOBs... I shrink from them. Try to placate them and hope they go away. They do not go away as long as I am nice to them, so I must learn to be tougher, not nice. I gotta realize I am being played and put a stop to it. Geez, I find it easier to swallow their BS and keep things running smooothly between us than I do to tell them to take a flying fandango .

I have to see this evil dude sometime this week at work, unless I get lucky & he quits(he hates the job & it physically pains him to do his job.) He might quit. It could happen, But more than likely, he will show and still pressure me to part with my few precious posessions. I need these things. He does not care about my pain or he would not bully and intimidate me out of what I need to have for my pain. And yet, like a schmuck, I allow him to control the situation. Well, no more.

My Dad used to keep this cartoon by his cash register in his music store...the moral of the cartoon was "Nice guys always get screwed"... I know from experience, now that it should have read "Nice guys always allow themselves to get screwed."

So, I gotta get guts. No guts, No glory...but man, this creep is clouding my life...I suppose confrontation is out of my comfort zone. Yet I am so sick of playing the "victim card" out of sheer bad habit...whassup with me? I know I don't need any more drama in my life & I ALWAYS allow these creeps the control card. Wish me luck on stepping out of my comfort zone... I just don't look forward to it But it must be done.

for a limited time only...once the meds wear off the ouchies weigh in for their 2 sense worth...but hang in, I shall, for as long as possible.I just have so much fun here...going stream surfing for awhile...to check on my well wishers & try to catch up...this is the way to spend Christmas Eve in my cyberspace,,, I could not be more pleased

but it looks like time for a long break & maybe a nap...feel achey& OUCHY, and have been trying to fight it, but methinks i r coming down with something or another...I s'pose it all boils down to Holiday kisses & the fact that I refuse to stop kissing no matter what illnesses I contract...It's a part o me...this kissy face thing...it's who I am & I cannot stop it, but I must take a nap & rest away the ouchies...ooooo, maybe I can find some cough syrup around here someplace...seeeings how there's no booze for painkiller these daze. hope to feel better soon & come back to the stream. Bubba's got 2 football games going in the living room, and I'm gonna finish up" Harold & Maude" again & try to feel better. It is that time of the year, I guess...

My Christmas Eve Morning tunes: Neil Young In Berlin...from the computer gizmo tunes he's crankin out on this excellent very cheap DVD, I would guess it is Neil in the mid-80's, bout the time Chritmas w/the ex was Hell On Earth. When I was Navy-issue on Coranado ISLAND in the early '70's I had a big ol poster pic of "HARVEST"-era Neil above my bed in the Wave Cage. The ex hated anything I loved & never let me play Neil, the Dead, Carlos,...anything I loved when he was home....Boston maybe, and some Fleetwood Mac, but contrary to popular belief, he was only human...albeit, a human who really got into DEVO-HA! "Whip it Good!" Lost cause, that one, but it took me a more than a decade to learn it the hard way .

Bubba just came in from 2nd breakfast down the highway @ the corner store..a Saturday tradition with him. Coffee & Biscuits 'n Gravy with the boys..social butterfly that he is...He only asked that I turn Neil down a lil bit while I opened his CHRISTMAS PRESENT...Georgio perfume & dig it-$500 to spend on myself getting something for myself! Dude! i WAS JUST GETTING READY TO WHINE THAT i WISH i HAD THE BUCK$ to go out & buy Neil's latest, and now I do!...and I have a $200 payment this next month for my headache pain blocks...and still money to play some more with!

I feel like Jimmy Stewart in "It's a Wonderful Life"...if I had not gone thru Hell, I would not be able to enter this Heaven in which I NOW dwell, now...OK, Kids...you know I love to blog @ the Stream, play my musical DVDS, and watch our many movies, and spoil my dogs and watch my fiber optic Christmas Tree...this is gonna be the best Christmas Eve Day ever!! Just lazin aroung the house.

BUBBA told me that if I went & got a turkey, he'd bake it. We both forgot that the oven is on the far side of kitchen, unhooked, awaiting him to tile the floor beneath it belongs...and I went & got a Butterball "Young, Never Frozen" turkey, so he is gonna lay the glue, then 6 hrs later, lay the brown tile(goes well with dog hair), then we will move the stove back & prob cook da turkey all night long along w/some slow-cooked beans, and all this candy, nuts, Gourmet Caramel apples, sugar cookies, coffee, coca, Diet Coke, & Cranberry Raspberry juice(alas, no booze, another lesson,I keep having to teach myself the hard way-miss the buzz, but it just ain't worth the drama & it usually gives me one of my infamous migraines...)...I hope to do a lil bit o this & a lil bit of that all the live-long day, as THIS is my idea of fun-time @ Christmas. I'm attired in velvet, with no bothersome undergarments, silver jewelry, long clean, newly blonde hair...I am living in the lap of luxury, please don't ever let me forget it! I've played Neil X 2, NOW, & MUST put on" Harold & Maude", to really get in the mood to L-I-V-E, live!-"other wise I'll have nothing to talk about in the locker room"...the blogstream Locker Room, that is...BE BACK LATER, KIDS. HAVE A HOLLY JOLLY CHRISTMAS ONE & ALL!! ISN'T IT GREAT TO HEAR FRoM Mrs God, again? when I come back ,I just gotta see what Lucee & Puppy & Mokie Joe & Icemelts & Colo & Topaz & ScratcH(esp! we have not been in touch for a coupla weeks out of sheer biziness) & Pop & Gizmo & EVERYBODY is doing.. It's good to be me...able to keep in touch w/JB & Bilyjones & my friends that I have not yet talked into Blogstreamin (as of yet), I guess I better go now, so I can come back soon... "God Bless us-EVERYONE!"