Grim summer. Really will be glad to see it pass on through.

And I have lost some one else that I love who still lives. Lost that someone to the bottle. Because I cannot control anyone but myself, and the person I love wants to drink and forget this grim summer.

I am not special because I quit. With or without help, it just happened that I could and so, I did. The one I love sees no problem with nightly drinking to relax and unwind from a tough adult world. Does not see the dubious role model that is being set. Though the loved one's entire family sees the problem the one in question, of course, does not. Drinking is solace, escape, reward, and more understanding than the sober family that does see the problems, thus eased.

There is not a damn thing that I can do. I was so overwhelmed with all of my losses at Friday's "Viewing" for my ex brother -in-law, that I had to leave the church, uncontrollably crying, my head throbbing...over the loss of so many. And the person I love that still lives does not know, and very possibly does not care that I mourn. And if my sorrow is realized by this person, it will not be admitted to even unto the loved one, himself. My loved one just keeps building walls, and defenses, and excuses, and places all blame elsewhere, anywhere, but from within. And there is nothing I can do, except to try and get over it.

Folks advise me to let this person go...if you love somebody, set them free...so,yeah, I must try. If ties are desired to be cut, so be it. Let it be. Get over it. Go On.

All right, buddy, withdraw from everyone who loves you as certainly only you know what you feel, and only you know what is best for you. If you ever want me to love you again, you know that I will. I just wish it did not have to be so ugly for everyone around you, and you would not remain so very blind to the pain that you are inflicting in the meantime.

There are many more funerals in my future, many more seasons of sadness...I was kinda hoping we could be a source of strength for one another through the many hard times to come. I hope that you come out the other side of this isolation that you are choosing. I'll be waiting.